It's Not All Positivity & Perfection

At the weekend I wrote a short post about positivity. This got me thinking about the insight that I give you readers into my life. I know there's a big stigma about annoying people who upload photos of their food, but I like to think that the fact that I write a food blog excuses this behaviour... Not only this but I try to upload photos that might inspire you to try new things and more importantly, try healthier things and make them exciting! You won't catch me uploading a photo of a grim soggy looking roast dinner or a chocolate bar we've all seen thousands of in our lives!

The point I'm trying to make is that, because I am selective of the photos I include on my Instagram and my blog, you all get a very rose tinted view of how I live my life. I thought I would use this post to get real and share with you the ups AND the downs I've experienced so far this year.

My life is so regimented - but if I don't plan, plan plan, I end up with either a meal I'll be disappointed in, lack of exercise which I'll feel bad about or no time to relax. The average person spends 8 hours in bed and 8 hours at work. I try to make the most out of my remaining 8 hours! Yesterday morning I got up and roasted a whole chicken at 7am and last night I spent a couple of hours in the kitchen making my dinner and cooking a bit pot of chilli and brown rice to see me through the week. Remember, failing to prepare is preparing to fail. Spending a couple of hours doing food prep limits the amount of time I will spend in the kitchen for the rest of the week.

There are boring meals. I don't show these because you all know what an omelette looks like! But they are my go to weekend lunch. Cheap and cheerful, plain with a little tobasco on...now you're talking! The only meal that is different daily is my breakfast and its easy to make it look pretty because it often involves fruit. I like to cook in bulk so I have meals that are ready to be reheated at work or when I get home from a workout, I end up eating the same dinner sometimes for days in a row. Last week it was turkey, black bean and sweet potato chilli - which I cooked at my brothers house whilst babysitting, it fed me 5 times! I'm still not sick of it, it was so delicious.

There are days where I feel like I'm not making as much progress as I would like to. It's an incredibly frustrating feeling I'm sure you've all experienced. But, rather than having my old defeatist attitude, I stop and think hard about what's making me feel that way. Have I not been out exercising as much as I wanted to? Am I eating too much of the wrong things? And then, I make sure I change whatever it is that's hindering me. It's as simple as that. The days where I feel like I'm not making progress are so few and far between now too which is nice.

The biggest thing is that all these changes have had an effect on my relationships. Food is something that my boyfriend and I have always shared and enjoyed together, going to food shows, cooking and baking together and then of course eating! He has no intention of changing his eating habits and I have no intention of changing mine (again). Not only this but he gets sick of me endlessly talking about food and exercise! I get defensive if he tells me to 'loosen up', why should I? I feel successful, I feel happy and positive about my life and how I live it, I feel good about myself everyday... Now why would I want to 'loosen up'? But then I think through someone else eyes my actions might seem extreme but to me they have become the norm. I know what I need to do to get what I want and that's what I'm doing. It's simple. This is something we've worked through and he's so supportive of what I'm doing.

So anyway last weekend was a busy one, Saturday I went into Camden with the girls and to the comedy store in the evening. Sunday, Dan and I went to the East of England food Fair at Knebworth. I tried to stay on track but eventually it was just easier to eat what everyone else was eating and admit defeat for one weekend.

What makes me happy about these indulgent weekends is that I'm no longer plagued by guilt, or calorie concern - I know I'll burn it off through exercise throughout the week. My concern now lies with the way this food will make me feel. Bloated & lethargic. But I can manage for one weekend.

In Camden I popped into Inspiral lounge which offers an array of vegan and raw foods & drinks. I grabbed a smoothie of banana, cacao and dates - something I could have made at home but the girls had been at the cider already so I thought I'd treat myself. We then hit the market for lunch. You're really spoiled for choice here, we could have spent hours trying to choose food but we settled for falafel and Halloumi wraps. A somewhat disappointing choice felt by all. There was just too much going on. I threw mine away after I'd eaten half of it. We continued to venture and stumbled across these amazing cookies. Four of us split a peanut butter cookie as they were £8 and humongous!

We then went for a cocktail at Dirty Martini where I had the most amazing watermelon and cherry martini followed by an evening at The Comedy Store. Now, I had bought a small salad in with me but once I was in there I decided I would not be a square and I would order food like everyone else. We were also sat in the front row and I didn't want anyone to see me eating my salad! I have never laughed so much in my life, the acts were fantastic and I'm already planning my next visit - but I will be eating before going next time. The food choice is pizza or something with chips. None of it looks particularly appetising and looking round the club at people eating reminded me of those scenes from weight loss shows where you see people ramming unpleasant beige looking food into their faces. On discussing this with Dan that night, he reminded me that the food is there, not as a gourmet choice, but as a stomach liner for people getting boozy. I had chicken skewers with a bit of pitta bread and salad, a few chips and two glasses of red wine.

Upon leaving this establishment I was pleasantly tipsy and proceeded to fill my face full of pudding at Kings Cross whilst I waited for my train. I got this little thing at wholefoods and it was delicious! Although the guilt free snacking element had been somewhat destroyed by this point.

So this brings us to Sunday where I woke up and made a protein shake same as I usually would. I decided that I would continue my weekend by trying to omit any food snobbery and enjoy a day full of food with my boyfriend. So here I am shovelling my face into a hog roast roll just to prove it.

I have such a sweet tooth and was easily swayed by waffle sticks... Then I saw some gluten free frozen yoghurt and I HAD to try that too. It was really good, I hope more places start selling frozen yoghurt this summer. It's so good.

Then more sweet things. Dan has the inability to pass by a good looking brownie without buying it, I applaud his dedication to brownies. The stall he happened to stop at this time had matching brownies. Chocolate and raspberry and chocolate and raspberry gluten free. We purchased one of each for a taste test after dinner. He actually thought my gluten free was his brownie, but to be honest you really couldn't tell the difference. I think they would have been made exactly the same way but using gluten free flour.

So after an indulgent weekend I am still feeling it two days on, but I knew what I was getting myself in for so just got to get up and move on. What surprised me the most was that it wasn't the discomfort from the bloating that bothered me the most, but the constant low energy. Just getting up to go to the toilet or grab a drink was so much effort! I can't imagine how I used to function on a daily basis like that. This was a total one off weekend for me, usually I can stick to eating clean wherever I am and fully intend to keep doing so other wise I know I won't make much progress.

To summarise, its not all positivity and perfection, it's taken time to get to where I am - 4 months to be exact... And I'm still learning everyday. I know that by not eating processed foods I get to eat about twice the amount of food I was before and I'm fuelling my body in the best way. I don't count calories, I don't let the scale control me. I just eat well every day and I feel good. Some meals aren't crazy exciting and I'm having to make a special effort not to bore those around me to death but overall things are great.

As a small update, I weighed myself for the first time since January and I have gone from 8 stone 2 to 7 stone 9. I'm really pleased because for the most part I have been relatively sedentary and I haven't been depriving myself at all. I eat dessert everyday, and I eat chocolate probably more than I should. Every day I have little treats and so it's great to see that these are not hindering my success. I won't be weighing myself for a long time again because now I am crossfitting it wouldn't surprise me if that number starts to incline with muscle mass but I'm not going to spend any time worrying about it.

Minnie
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