Planning, Weighing, Eating, Tracking

It’s been a few weeks since my last post. I'm trying to balance work, gym & social life at the moment which isn't leaving me very much time to sit down and write about what's been going on.

But I wanted to share a post about something new I’m trying. It’s something that for so long I have avoided learning about because it seemed too mathematically challenging for my wee brain. From this week I’m having a go at counting my macros. 

Now as you may know I've been following a gym programme. My gym plan is structured for me to follow every day and there is an eating plan to go along with it. So I don't have to think. I just have to eat. A lot. All the time. But I don't like not having to think, I want to learn so I can take matters into my own hands and understand my nutrient requirements for life.

I have been sticking to this plan and seeing results but in the back of my mind I kept wondering how something so generic could possibly work so well for me as an individual.
In short, I don't think it can.

 
Let me explain this in layman terms - because that's all I know in truth. Everyday we are required to eat 3 types of macronutrients. Protein. Carbohydrates. Fats. 

 
The quantity of which you need to eat is completely individual to you and depends on your weight, lean body mass and of course, your goals.

So how can a generic programme tell me I should be eating 6oz chicken several times a day when it knows nothing about my size? I have been eating chicken. All the god damn time.
I was eating so much protein and as time went on, (and as someone who has dabbled in veganism) I was growing increasingly concerned over the high levels I've been consuming. 

Following the generic eating plan from my workout plan, I was struggling not only with the increased consumption of animal products but I was also finding it impossible to fit high levels of veg into my diet because I'd be so full from protein & carb.

I can now go back to my old favourite - frozen banana, spinach, kale and vanilla protein smoothies with chia seeds for breakfast. A lot easier - and in my opinion far more balanced than a huge bowl of egg whites, some oats and a little serving of berries! With my glass of supergreens on the side this delicious smoothie  is = 275 calories, 28g of carb, 24g of protein and 9 grams of fat.

This is what ultimately opened my mind to the world of macros. I started seeing & reading more and more about them and becoming increasingly curious about what this could do for me.
The process of counting macros involves weighing and tracking everything you eat which is a far cry from my general clean eating outlook. So why the sudden change?

I'm now training 6 times a week. What a waste that would be if I were to fuel my body wrong and hinder my progress. (You can see my programme here – I’m just starting week 6: http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/jamie-easons-livefit-phase-2.html)

The idea behind eating by counting macros is that you really do ‘eat for your goals’. My goal is to lose fat whilst still building lean muscle and my macro calculations ensure I’m eating enough protein, carbs and fat to allow my body to manage this efficiently.

This is my lunch for this week - 1/2 a pepper, 7 cherry tomatoes, 70g chicken, 30g mozzarella and half an avocado. I've prepped it all so I just have to add avocado when I'm about to eat. That shit will turn brown as soon as the oxygen get's to it, so you gots to eat it fresh. Macros: 332 calories, 10g carbs, 19g fat, 30g protein.

Your body is individual, as is mine, they need different requirements for different lives and different goals. 

I purchased an online book which talked me through the process and gave me guidance through doing the calculations to work out my macros- but there are a tonne of free online calculators if you're intrigued to see how your current diet compares to one that's been calculated for you. 

I worked out how much I should be eating per day, around: 100g protein, 100g carb and 45g fat. Now all I have to do is use my fitness pal (free app or website) type in my food intake and make sure that what I eat equates to those numbers within my caloric requirement. Simple.
No really. It is.

(You can even change your goals on MFP to custom settings as I have done, so now it doesn't assume things – select change goals, custom, and choose the % which are closest to your requirements).

The book that I read advised me to spread my protein out evenly throughout my meals, however many that might be. The decision is mine - I could snack throughout the day if I wanted to but as it's easier for work I have chosen to have 3 meals with one snack and kept macros for my post workout shake too. The bulk of my carbohydrates should be consumed during the meals closest to my workout and fats the opposites. I work out in the evenings hence why my breakfast and lunch are relatively high in healthy fats and low in carb. Dinner will be carb heavy with a big serving of sweet potato mash, lots of veg and another 70g serving of chicken.

The thing about macros is that as I progress, as I lose fat and build lean muscle, my requirements will change. I will need to recalculate down the line in order to either keep progressing or maintain where I am. It is a continual process, one I hope to adopt for the long term.

Now here's the interesting thing about macros, and check out IIFYM website if you don't believe me - there's also a free calculator on their website... There are people out there who eat total crap, work out and have amazing bodies: http://iifym.com/ 

For the record I do not condone this at all. Nor do I wish to partake in eating junk, because looking healthy doesn't mean you are healthy. I believe that eating high levels of processed foods can cause a huge array of health problems, regardless of your body fat %. 

...But it's nice to know right? It's Saturday night, I'm staying in and I really want a treat. I would usually let myself have a cheat meal once a week where I eat totally guilt free, what I want, then move on. Now I can eat my cheat meal, punch it into my fitness pal, and work around it, still meet my daily macro requirements and not hinder my progress. That is pretty cool.

So if you're reading this and you've never even heard of macros then I hope this isn't totally confusing for you. Maybe it was, maybe this all still seems way to complex.

But those of you who have ever set foot in a gym will have more than likely seen the same faces day in day out. Those unfortunate souls who slog it out maximum effort in the gym but never seem to make any progress. I would bet money on the fact that their nutrition is poor.

...Remember, abs are made in the kitchen.

So whilst it's fun to make beautiful clean pancake creations on a Saturday mornings, I can no longer turn a blind eye to their nutritional content.

The best advise I can give is that the more you learn about what your body needs, the better you will progress to wherever you want to be.

Peace

Minnie

xXx

Fast Food, Fake Food or Real Food?

Which are you eating? Be honest.

I'm not going to say that I never eat processed food. That would be a lie. I'm also not going to say its because I enjoy processed food because that too would be a lie.

In the last quarter of 2013 I stopped looking after myself. I know why. I've acknowledged the reasons for my behaviour, come to terms with it and moved on - but that's for another post.

Why do we eat it? And why do we eat so much of it? Could it possibly be because it is everywhere we turn and pretty much impossible to avoid?

Arguably, since the increase of this large scale availability, developed countries have seen rates of type 2 diabetes, heart disease and obesity rise. 

My belief is that the two are linked but you're free to think otherwise.

So what are we eating, and what is it doing to us?

In the last couple of weeks I have seen two news stories which I found interesting - I won't say they shocked me because after the horse meat scandal, seriously, how much worse can it get?

For whatever reason, one of these stories which I believe to be pretty gruesome seems to have slipped by under the radar. Perhaps all the weather and flood news stole it's thunder. (You're welcome)

One of these news stories is about cancer and the way in which modern life is going to continue to cause a huge increase in cancers over the next few years. I'll leave it to you to read the article if you wish and I won't drag on. Thanks to the daily mail I'm sure everyone is past the point of caring because 'everything gives you cancer'. Seriously though, it's an interesting read. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-26031748

Ok so the second and most revolting news story is about a study on 900 foods in Yorkshire where 38% of foods weren't what they claimed to be. That's almost 2 in 5. It's more than 1 in 3. So how much of what you're eating isn't what it's cracked up to be? Click anyhere on this paragraph to read.

Some of the most disturbing ones that I read included ham pizza that didn't contain any pork, it was actually poultry died pink. And most absurdidly was a weight loss tea (terrible idea anyway) which contained neither tea nor herbs. It was powdered glucose (yup a weight loss tea made from sugar) which was lased with an obesity drug which hasn't been legal in the UK for some time.

That last one seems so scary to me. You can just buy tea in the store and be using a drug which was banned due to the side effects. And drink it everyday.

I don't know what the solutions are here. I mean, I know there are hundreds of people besides myself spreading the motto 'Just Eat Real Food' but it's unrealistic to think that everyone will convert to this way of life after spending years of enjoying the increasing convenience. 

The government has proposed a sugar drink tax - on that note I spent ages searching for an article the BBC news published last year which angered me so much but it doesn't appear to exists. 

Maybe they realised how stupid it was and took it down, who knows.

Researchers are claiming that they don't understand why people are getting so fat and having increasing health problems when the household calorie intake is falling. 

How anyone is funding this research is beyond me, I was literally enraged reading that. There is enough evidence out there now to persuade any medical professional that calories are not equal. Your body will not react in the same way to a calorie from a sugar free drink as it will to a calorie from an apple. 

I guess you can tell how I feel about this stupid campaign by change for life 😒.

Oh and whilst your buying your diet drinks don't forget to pick up a Krispy Kreme!

Anyway I digress. What are the alternatives? Would you oppose a junk food tax? Do you think people are within the rights to eat whatever they want even when some people can't control it and we pick up the health bill through our taxes? I'd be interested in knowing because it's an issue I can't quite make my mind up about...

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes...

...Different strokes for different folks as they say. We all now that variety is the spice of life and I'm sure we've all heard people talking about how boring life would be if we all went for the same things, liked the same people, boys, girls, fashion, designs, flavours and so on.

And I believe this to be 100% true. I'd go as far as calling it a fact! Life is amazing. Being YOU is amazing and unique because there is no one in the world like you. Unless of course you're a twin 👯 but even then, you're personality, your life and experiences are all personal to you.

If, like me, you think that this is a great thing, then I'm sure you can appreciate others differences. 

Because that's what's so great isn't it? That we're all different? Some of us are good with numbers, some of us are better creatively. We might be driven at work, or living for the weekend. Some of us like to party or socialise and some of us prefer our own company. Some of us like boys and some of us girls - some of us even like them both! We have different skin tones, hair colour, eye colour and body shapes.

Different body shapes.

Because nobody in the world has the same body shape as you. 

And why should that matter? In short, it doesn't. How you look should not define who you are, whether you're a nice person or how good you are at your job. It shouldn't define whether you're happy, content or depressed. Whether you're funny or love to laugh. 

But I feel like it does.

Here's what upsets me. Everyday I overhear conversations or see stuff online typically resembling the comments below.

She's too fat. She's too thin. He's too skinny. He's too muscley. She needs to eat a sandwich. He needs to go on a diet. Real men love curves, bones are for dogs. If she lost weight she'd be really pretty. She's got a big bum, a flat bum, no tits, big thighs, cellulite. You get the picture.

Luckily for us we might never hear the ridiculous things people have to say about the way we look, but with today's online culture, nasty comments are lurking round every corner.

I just hope that as you're reading this you can be happy and bask in the fact that you have never purposefully thrown that negativity upon another human being. Chances are, they don't deserve it.

(I find these memes so offensive. In a culture where so many women are striving to be skinny, we seem to have forgotten that some skinny people are naturally built that way - no matter what they eat, they will never have curves. Be proud of your curves, but don't strive to take down those who don't).

We should be celebrating our abilities to succeed in life, through our friends and families, our careers - whatever drives you, motivates you and makes you happy. Stop praising each other for the way we look but congratulate each other on our successes, praise each other for being good, decent people. I love my friends and family for who they are. Not for what they look like. So why would I give a damn about what people who aren't even important factors in my life look like?

What makes it ok to say things or comment on the pictures of somebody you don't even know and scrutinise the way they look? 

Now I can't sit here pretending to be an angel that has never made remarks about others, and that's because making comments about others appearance is easy because it lets us reaffirm how we feel about ourselves. But a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.

Call that boy fat, or that girl skinny. They will still be just as fat or just as skinny as they were the moment those words left your mouth. So why waste your breathe? 

What's hard is only allowing yourself see the beauty in every single person. The way a persons eyes light up when they talk about someone or something they love. Or the way people laugh or have the ability to make you laugh. Their intelligence or ability to love. The things that really matter.

(I've definitely shared this post in the past - and for the wrong reasons. This never became hotter than that. This photo shows 8 beautiful women of different shapes and sizes. 8 gorgeous girls showing us what their mummas gave em (I'm pretty sure this is Heidi Pratt pre op).

Because really as long as you have your health and your happiness, what else matters? As long as your not over eating or under eating and making your body sick and as long as your nourishing your body and moving your body the way it wants to be moved, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. 

Make yourself stronger mentally and physically so that you have good health throughout your life. The body you're in now is the body you will spend every waking moment for the rest of your life, so you better get comfortable ✌️

Peace

Minnie

xXx

Live Fit

Week 1 of Jamie Eason 12 week live fit programme is down 💪

I know, I know I was supposed to start last week - but after moving house and getting organised I felt so run down last week. Sometimes you just have to listen to your body or you'll do some damage.

I've really enjoyed this programme and it's pushing me out of my comfort zone, just as my February challenge was supposed to. 

When I think back to all the things I've done that I'm proud of, they all have one thing in common. The one thing that put me off doing them and the one thing that spurs me to do it more.

They made me feel uncomfortable.

That feeling you get in your gut when you think about doing something new, something different. It feels scary and unatural and it ultimately has put me off a lot of things in the past. 

When I used to think about going for a jog I used to think, I don't have anything to wear, I don't know what I'm doing, people might look at me and laugh, what if I'm doing it wrong? 

How can anyone even jog wrong?! You can't. That's the answer. If you have to stop and walk for a minute so what?

I don't know what shifted for me psychologically back in 2012 but I'm glad it did. Whatever made me stop being scared and drove me to sports direct to get some cheap running trousers and a sports bra. That made me finally stop thinking about downloadin couch2 5K and actually go out and do it.

Completing that app was probably one of the best things I ever did for myself. For the first time in my life I stopped thinking that I was incapable of achieving anything. It drove down those negative voices in my head that constantly told me I wasn't good enough to do anything. It made me have belief in myself that if I set my mind to something and took the first leap out of my comfort zone that great things would follow. And that voice has never failed me or ceased to amaze me.

Fast forward a year and here I am. Starting a gym programme from bodybuilding.com! Something which would have terrified me before I educated myself on the human body and fitness.

The first step is always the hardest, getting pumped mentally and getting organised is so important. If my meals for the week are cooked and ready to be eaten, then all I have to focus on at the moment is getting myself to the gym 4 days a week for about half an hour. That's not so hard is it?

Going into the gym is another thing that makes me nervous though. Walking straight past the herds of people sweating it out on the cardio and taking my soft lumpy body to join the big boys with their minimal body fat in the weight section. I've done it 3 times this week and I still get nervous. It's silly really. Why should I let my nerves about what people I've never even spoken to, think about me, ruin my opportunity to get fit? The reality is, they don't care. And even if they did have a thought on the matter - I don't! 

So anyway I thought I'd share a bit about my diet on this programme and show you all that even the most novice of people can food prep. It's really not that scary.

My boyfriend and I drove last weekend to pick up a fridge freezer (£30 gumtree - winning) so we have all the space in the world for our delicious goodies.

I bit the bullet last night and ordered 5kg of chicken from musclefood for £25 (FYI 5kg of chicken would cost around £50 on a 3 for £10 deal in a supermarket). Even if you're not food prepping? It just makes sense. And by the way this was another thing which for some reason made me feel uncomfortable.

But this week I did things the expensive way and did my shop at Tesco. Here's what's going into my belly this week

5 egg whites with 1 portion of carbs (black beans) & unlimited veg (grilled tomatoes, mushrooms and asparagus).

I don't have much time in the morning so on Sunday I chopped all my mushrooms and put them in a lunchbox ready to stick on a tray to grill.

I also seasoned my beans with chilli and lime - I'm struggling a bit with them in the morning to be honest and going to make the swap for oats and berries from now on. Beans don't keep long either!

My veg takes next to no time to grill and I just pop my egg whites in the microwave. 

I made Jamie Easons carrot cake protein bars and these are amazing 😍😍😍.

I eat 4 squares per serving. The recipe, nutritional info and a video of how to make it are available here.

Carrot Cake Protein Bars

Ingredients:

• 1 Cup oat flour (just oats in through the blender to make them fine)
• 2 scoops vanilla protein powder
• 2 tsps cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/8 tsp all spice
• 1/8 tsp nutmeg
• 4 egg whites
• 3/4 cup natural sweetner
• Around 220g baby food carrots - See picture for what I used
• 115ml of water

I used more water as I didn't buy enough baby food!

Preheat the oven to 175. Mix dry ingredients, then mix wet ingredients and add together and give it a good mix. I used coconut oil to line my glass dish. Pour ingredients in and bake for around 20 - 30 minutes. Easy peasy.

So this was a bit of a dilemma for me because these are super sweet due to all the truvia. I would usually steer well clear of sweeteners, even ones that claim to be natural like so. I'm going to be experimenting with these and trying to lessen the quantity of sweetener in this as I really don't think it needs that much.

For my lunch and dinners I take my pick from one of these babys.

I made 12 of these, 4 steak and 8 chicken. This lasts me through to Saturday when it's easy for me to cook something up rather than needing the convenience of a ready made meal. 

The steak and prawn dish is an adaptation of a Jamie Oliver 15 minute meal. It's fillet steak, seasoned with Chinese five spice, lots of chilli, ginger, garlic, bean sprouts and coriander, prawns and soy. This should be served with noodles but I know I'm allowed 3/4 cup of brown rice so that's what I go with. It's so delicious and I was actually surprised by how well it reheated - obvs don't stick the romaine lettuce in the microwave...

For the chicken I make my own seasoning to avoid any nasties in the shop bought packets. 

Home Made Spicy Seasoning

4 tbsp chili powder
2 tbsp ground cumin
1 tbsp chili flakes or cayenne pepper
1 tbsp oregano
1 tbsp garlic powder
1 tbsp salt

This is pretty spicy so chill out on the cayenne and chili OK? It also makes quite a lot so you can store it in a jar and use it again and again and again

I sprinkled this onto my chicken and stuck them all in the oven at the same time. Whilst they're cooking, I chopped my peppers and cucumber and put them into individual lunch boxes (ikea and tesco value have done the job). I cook up a load of brown rice in one go too - as I used it for my they dish). Once the chicken comes out my diced sweet potato goes in, roasted in coconut oil and a pinch of salt 👌.

I separate them into the lunch boxes et voila. Lunch and dinner for the week is served. 

I find all of this keeps no problem - peppers are pretty good at keeping crunchy, as is cucumber. When I'm ready to eat I just put my chicken & carb on a plate  as I'm not sure my lunch boxes are microwave friendly anyway! I ate my steak and prawn meals earlier in the week just to be safe but the sell by on both meats was long enough, so just check it out.

Our fridge by Sunday evening 

Now if you were going to try and prep say a salad (not for me thanks) a good move is to just chop all of your veg and keep it separate, mix it together into a lunchbox in the morning or the night before to avoid any soggy salads. You can also take your dressing in a little pot and do that at work or wherever you are.

I'm working on my afternoon snack/small meal because I made Jamie Easons turkey muffins... buuuuut they smell and I can't really eat them at my desk. So. that has been a bit of a fail, in the mean time i'm just having a protein shake until my next food prep rolls around. 

So that's it folks. Week 1 is over. So far so good, I'm still looking forward to the challenge and already feeling pretty good about myself if I may say so myself.

Peace

Minnie
xXx

My All Year Resolutions

Happy New Year everyone! 

It's January again... Only 84 days until British summer time 🙏

So with January comes New Years resolutions, and with New Years resolutions? You guessed it. Comes failed New Years resolutions.

I hadn't really made any resolutions and then today I decided to set myself some challenges. I know all the cool kids make fun of resolutions - and yes I agree that if you want to change something, there's no time like the present, one shouldn't wait until January. But after all the indulgence that December unavoididly brings, January is a great time to get back on track and reasses your goals for the year.

I got to thinking about this some more and decided that too many resolutions are forgotten as the year goes on, and I think for many people this comes down to taking on too much at once. So I came up with the idea of setting one new resolution for every month of the year. That way as my life changes and alters, my goals can stay up to date and relevant to where I am in my life.

Any of my regular readers (hi mum) will know that I've been rather absent with my blogging since September. I got a fab new job (yay) and moved into my boyfriends family home and in doing so dropped my former lifestyle. I fell into a real rut. I wasn't eating clean anymore, I didn't enjoy my new crossfit gym as much so stopped going, my skin broke out worse than I've ever seen and then it was December and as much as I tried to stay on track there were too many drinking events!

When January rolled around I was so ready to throw myself back into my fitness lifestyle. I spent some time going through my old posts, my fitness Instagram and browsing loads of health blogs. The more I read, the more upset I got thinking about the fact that I'd let myself slip for an entire 4 months. On top of this I read a lot about positive thinking and everything clicked into place for me. Eating clean and exercise had become a hobby for me, with that gone I became more miserable as my self esteem took a severe knocking and my mentality turned more negative.

3 days into clean eating and I'm already feeling better about myself - mostly because I'm so glad to finally be doing something about my misery! I'm still struggling to come to terms with how far I let myself slip without realising how much it was effecting me, especially when I've never been as happy as I was earlier in the year.

Setting myself regular goals was something I thrived on, for example, half marathon training, trying something new (be it fish or crossfit), training for my Thailand trek or quitting alcohol for a month. Everyone brought a positive outcome which enforced my overall positivity and gave me lots to be proud of.

I gave up blogging (because I had nothing to blog about) and after I stopped worrying about it I let it go (along with all my former good habits). But blogging is like keeping a diary for me, I take pleasure in it and I guess you would call it a hobby too. So with that in mind, my All Year Resolution for January 2014 is to keep blogging consistently!

I have lots I want to write about and I hope you will enjoy reading my future posts!

Have you made any resolutions? 

Minnie 

Xx

Hello Strangers!

After 4 busy months I decided it was time to sort myself out and get back on track.  I have always written this blog in the hope that it might help others to make healthier choices or at least be aware or the choices they're making and the effect these will have. That being said, I've come to realise that it is one of the things that keeps me motivated when trying to live a healthy lifestyle. 

So what happened over the last few months? Well I'm sure most of you know I went to Thailand for my charity challenge. It was a real eye opener and when I got back to England I was still cross fitting regularly but I seemed to just care a little less about what I was eating. I had unknowingly during my time in the jungle, not seen a single overweight person. It didn't strike me until driving back towards Bangkok when bigger people started appearing in coffee shops with their iPads, lattes and snacks.

But the people I had spent my time in the jungle with were slim and ate a diet full of noodles and rice - 2 things which I had largely avoided for the best part of the year. These people live hugely active lifestyles, eat little meat and a lot of veg. 

One of the biggest reasons (if not the biggest reason) obesity is increasing at such an alarming rate is due to the sheer volume of cabohydrates being consumed everyday in the western diet. When the carbohydrates are not used as energy, they are stored as fat. Most of us sit on our butts throughout the day due to our jobs, using minimal energy, whereas the folk I had spent my time in Thailand with were active. I guess when I got back I thought it would be ok to start eating these things again as long as I was still crossfitting...

I was also pretty miserable when I got back from my trip, I started drinking quite a lot too. Ok. I know that sounds bad but I was so unhappy in my job I guess I just wanted to make sure I was having fun out of my work hours. Basically I enjoyed my summer and I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about what I was eating (or drinking) which is ok from time to time. I didn't beat myself up about it - that's not going to change anything!

Then. Praise The Lord. I got a new job, an awesome one that I love. And to cut a long story short, I moved into my boyfriends family home, am not in charge of what I have for dinner anymore, don't have the space to do all the food preperation I was doing before and have been to crossfit once since I started my new job. I was partly scared of joining a new gym but I went and I realised just how much I missed it - but excuses have stopped me from signing up officially.

Lately it's been catching up with me, I don't feel the same way about myself as I used to. My confidence has taken a knock, I don't feel strong anymore (which I loved) and I can feel the weight sticking to me. I don't know exactly how much weight I've put on because I don't weigh myself... My clothes still fit fine but I can just feel it you know?

I know this might seem like an obscure time to start exercising but there's no time like the present. At least if I'm working out I can feel less crap whilst I over indulge over the Christmas period. I am watching what I eat again but my goals have changed pretty drastically. I no more aspire to look like this:

I have respect for anyone that has the dedication to put the time and money into achieving that don't get me wrong but that isn't me. I just want to feel good about myself again. I want to be eating the right foods, getting all my nutrients and vitamins and I want to feel strong again. In essence, I want to be healthy.

I am going back to crossfit this week no matter what. It's in writing now so there's no turning back! 

I'm very excited to have signed up for my next charity challenge. I shall be venturing unto the jungle yet again, this time for the Sumatran Orangutan Society in September 2014. This trip looks to be tougher than Thailand was with 6 days trekking in much more mountainous terrain and more intense heat (Indonesia is much closer to the equator). More details to come on that though :)

I basically wanted to check in and let my few lovely readers know that I'm back.

I'll write a proper blog this week, ( I have lots I want to talk about!) but for now enjoy the rest of your Sunday evening :-)

Peace

Minnie

Xxx

The Power of Positivity

Today I wanted to talk a little about positivity.

During the past 10 years I have been trying to lose weight. I didn't care about where that weight was coming from, just as long as the number on the scales was getting smaller.

I would do this for short periods of time and get so worked up about it, so motivated that I was going to get skinny.

I would drink slim shakes, eat nothing but a banana and yoghurt for breakfast or a bowl of Special K, deprive myself all the while trying to convince myself that for doing so I would be better than all those people who were eating crap and sitting on their butts doing nothing.

Now that I am in a place in my life where for the first time I can honestly say that I have a positive relationship with food. I can see that all those past attempts at weight loss were driven from negative emotions. I. was destined to fail.

Who wants to spend their life feeling like they're missing out? Like they have to work hard JUST to try and be better than someone else? To lose weight so that you can prove others wrong?

I think Baz Luhrmann said it best in his song 'sunscreen'. "Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself".

I recommend anyone trying to better themselves in anyway shape or form, be it physically, mentally, at a hobby, a sport, at work... Take a step back and think hard about why you're trying to reach your goal.

For me this has been a long evolving relationship with food that has blossomed. I love my food and my food loves me back. It makes me feel good, it gives me energy, it's transforming my body into the one I've always wanted and I'm finally doing it for me.

I can for the first time see my body as an instrument that will give me what I want if I give it what it needs. I'm no longer interested in weight loss, but in health. And I wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't dropped the negativity.

Minnie
xXx